Wattisham Sprint Triathlon 2015    WOODBRIDGE SURFERS Team A


Only half an hour got us to the perimeter fence and another 20 minutes got us to the right gate, I was navigating.
Despite our names not being on the list, the guard let us in and decided not to check our ID to overcome his embarrassment.  The first thing that strikes you here is, although it is military, just how friendly everyone is. Despite the imminent weather keeping most of the families away, it still feels like a family event.
A quick cruise through the cycle racks admiring the carbon wonders, obscure bar and drink bottle designs, through the mountain bikes section and down to Sturmley Archer! And looking around there was whippet to what really should not go in a tri-suit. Some power lunch, watched a few cyclists negotiate the exit and some thrashing in the lanes before it soon was our time. Ian tried to look tall but the 6’8” guy next in line just looked like he was going to eat him. This guy had 50% bigger reach than Ian but he still managed to keep a length between them. Not sure if was it me be anxious or Ian being spent & unstable, but it took a few seconds to swap the chip and I was off into the drizzle which was now falling. Through the service roads and onto the perimeter for 2 miles or so before I saw anyone at all and then as one or two (maybe 6 in total) passed me by in a whurr of carbon, I soon remembered the down side of having such a good and committed swimmer in your team, puts you amongst the athletes. The wind had dropped and the directional difference on the runway was less than last year at 5mph instead of 15, so it felt long and tough both ways instead. The high point was feeling the warmth of three Apaches’ preparing and then the down draft of one lifting off on lap 2. Low point was watching a faster rider getting the tarmac joints wrong and hitting the ground at 23 mph. I was trying for 20mph average or sub 40 mins and did not achieve either, quite, but very happy to see my final push lasted to the end with my GPS saying 40:01. I was also very glad to see Shannon as she grabbed the chip and bounded off. She reported a good run, overtaking the excessively tall guy who had passed me, with near perfect drizzle cooled running conditions, she soon reappeared looking very comfortable with a fast sprint finish to record her personal best 5k time of 21:40. Giving a total team time of 1:08:03, some 4 minutes quicker than 2014. This was enough to secure a second year, team win for the Surfers, against more teams and was only slightly marred by giving the award to second place team (which we had to rectify later).
So next year, maybe more Surfer teams? It is only a sprint tri I know but it is a lovely event, you can choose just the discipline you like, sprint it and maybe stop us making it 3 in a row!
Is it possible to complete a shorter bike distance – No not at this event.
Is it acceptable to challenge the organisers – Yes but very politely as they large guns (both meanings)

Woodbridge Surfers
Hopkins Coutts Hopkins

2014      2015
103rd               59th       Overall
1st              1st         In category
06:17        06:05     Swim (inc T1)
41:11        40:17     Cycle (inc T2)
25:11        21:40      Run
01:12:40  1:08:03   Total

Culford Tri


I awoke to darkening rain clouds and immediately thought of the tyre shredding flints at last year's "Suffolk Sunrise"!

I decided to treat the whole event as a kind of treasure hunt and thoroughly enjoyed the build up with the registration and the bike parking. I think I may have one a special spot prize for the most neatly laid out transition area but I don't think that counted towards the race timings.

The swim was very well managed, I went in at number 27 with an estimated time of 8 minutes and at no time did I feel like I wasn't in control. I managed to hit Geoff Buchanan on the head twice (he was no.30) but he deserved it for overtaking me on length 7.

Fortunately, (or unfortunately) I had no excuse for a slow bike time. I actually thought I was moving along quite nicely, but as you can see from the results this was not the case.

My run was OK and I was feeling pretty pleased with myself when Geoff finally managed to overtake me, just at the end of the first lap. It was funny that I didn't remember overtaking him on the bike ride. It wasn't until I looked at the times that I realised that he was on his second running lap when he overtook me, on my first!

So I came 163rd out of 185 which is a pretty poor effort in anyones book.

Still, I consoled myself with these thoughts:

1) I had last entered a triathlon in 2009 and then never took the place up because a friend of mine in Redbourn was 50 the night before and the lure of the party was too great. So 6 years on I have "ticked the box".

2) I had not given up alcohol prior to the event, as I had in previous times and managed to consume 2 Crimean cocktails, 2 Peronis and a small port with a rather nice evening meal at Fiona and Alok's the night before.

3) I met Sue Hargadon and her husband Simon who said as it was my first one I should just concentrate on enjoying myself, which I did by conserving energy and making sure I got round without injury.

4) There's always next year!

If you want to have a laugh go onto www.ipswich-tri.org/culford

Hope to see you on Thursday wearing my new T-shirt.



Al's Mary Towneley Loop weekend

Footage from Barney's headcam. This is riding northwards off Rooley Moor:

1st Arrival:

Lunch on day 1:

Day 2 - top of Rooley Moor

Just to show how poor we were, CS only managed to get 2nd place in a segment while driving...

New Calamity Cup Entry?

This time of year the entries for the Calamity Cup are usually pretty thin on the ground. We're all thinking about spring, the runners have got the 10k / marathons on their minds, the Morzine boys are praying they remain injury free and the triathletes are pretending the Deben isn't quite warm enough yet. However, a surprise entry came in from one of our newest members on Sunday night. Joining his son & The King on 'stage', non other than JL, sporting a new Lycra skin-suit that's not expected to be making it big this year:

Calamity Cup 2014

It's a little known fact that the only person who reads this page is DP's Dad.  He's a lovely chap who has brought DP up to be the inveterate liar we all know and love him for.  He'll be thrilled to have a mention here - and it's all down to DP that he is.  Whilst there were a number of entrants for the cup this year, RA's facial braking technique, AS's shirt-melting-into-back fixie riding, GiantP's numerous gentle falls to mention just a few, it was DP's 'Badger Dismount' which was the runaway winner.  As well as the dismount DH's comment about 'it was the longest flight I've seen' really sums up the effort DP put into winning the cup just so that his father could get a mention.  As the photo below shows DP was over the moon about winning.  Nothing left to say except 'What a mug'.

Congratulations DP, I don't think any of us expected you to be a winner of this.

The badger was unavailable for comment.   Many thanks to IC's wife for the mug too.

Wather Wet n Windy Welly Weather.

Wellington – Feb 2014
Windy Welly is known for its Wather Wild Wet ‘n’ Windy Weather, it is also very, very hilly. The many hills that are not covered in Urban sprawl are instead covered in thick, dense, near impenetrable forest bush and hiding throughout this dense bush many amazing cycle tracks have been developed, but like most places in NZ, to get to the top, you first have to climb.

Wellington from Christchurch is a 5 hour drive and a 3 hour ferry crossing. With a long holiday weekend ahead of us, we finished work on the Thursday, loaded the Ute with 4 bods and 5 bikes and roared off to backpackers lodge near the ferry terminal for a quick nap before the notoriously rough crossing early next morning.

Day 1. An awesome crossing, the gods had blessed us, off the ferry and a drive by the airport to collect the Boss whom preferred to sleep in his own bed and avoid 5 hours in the Ute. (Works for AirNZ so cheap flights for him)

It’s lunchtime now so with the typical Kiwi Kai in our pukus (traditional NZ food in our tummy’s i.e a meat pie from the bakers) we set straight off to ride the Wainuiomata (Why-Newie-O-Marter) bike park for a few hours before driving off to the motorlodge park where the 5 of us were to stay in a 3m x 5m shed with bunkbeds, cramped, but cheap and our token female was a little unimpressed with the lack of privacy for her.

Day 2. Makara Peak Mountain Bike Park.
So, with the free parking at the start of the bike park, complete with toilets, bike wash down, big track maps, sheltered seating areas, water taps and basic bike tools including track pump on chains. We saddled up Bro and set off for a ‘Mean As’ climb up the hill and get access to over 35km of hillside single track.

Nearly all the height was gained on the relative straight sections, with the hair pin switchbacks pretty much levelled out complete with high banked berms for the rather speedy descents. If you are ever to cycle uphill, on single track, this just had to be the way to do it.

The track building was so well thought-out and built that it made climbing the 400m peak, three times a, dare I say it, rather pleasant experience :-/ The trees and the bush were just so interesting, dense but interesting, with occasional breaks in the canopy to let you glance out over the ranges offering a well earned vantage point and appreciation of just how much height we were gaining so rapidly.
Cruising along in granny gear with the seat post extended to the point where it felt like you were on tip toes to turn a full pedal stroke, the uphills suddenly became enjoyable. With knees pumping hard, the occasion ‘layby’ would appear on the single track, usually with a bench, a log or stump to rest on. Hold on! I was taken aback; Has the Major been to these parts? I questioned myself in a split second of surprise! I was horrified! There, amongst all this fabulous beauty, on the side of a dense bush covered hill, a hill that has seen over 4,500 track building volunteer hours invested upon it, there, within all this Flora and Fauna, some disrespectful dirty hoon has discarded their old tube and left it swinging in the breeze. Then, a tyre, a rusty ole chain, a buckled wheel, WTF is this Bro? Who would do this? Then came my realisation, this is ‘Bike Art’! Sweet As Bro! Suddenly it was cool to dump your used parts in the bush or adorn a dead tree stump with a buckled wheel, a chainring or 20 nailed into a form of bike themed collage…..

At the peak for the first time of 3 visits today, just 18700km from Coed-Y-Brenin, with a magnificent 360 degree view of Wellington and its surrounding hills and a sky full of warm sun, it was time for one of our riding party (Our very own DJP of the Canterbury MTB Club) to fulfil his social media educed ‘Necknomination’ obligation, and skull a cold Corona. Whilst the rest of sat slowly sipping and enjoying the reward of reaching the top. The peak complete with decking platform, picnic benches and bike racks, all just on top of a hill, nothing else but the deck, a bench, a bike rack and the endless view. So much to look at, ferries in the harbour, wind turbines on the peaks, tracks snaking down every hillside.

Would we invest in this sort of thing in the UK? ….. Only if it was privately owned, an entrance fee was paid and a grotty old cafĂ© was printing money, you’d be battling the crowds to sit down, the air would be filled with ringtones, dodgy rap music screeching out some hoons iPhone and you’d no doubt be hogging in second-hand cigarette smoke from some greasy chap in a shellsuit that had just driven up in his Granada.

Instead, we sat, we ate, we drank, we rested and we watched the tranquillity in silence……Mmmm! Then reminded ourselves, “Hey Bro, we gonna smash these trails Hard As Bro”, saddle up bitches, time to eat dirt, we’re in for a Sick As Day Bro.

Day 3. The weather was a little more Wellington like, Wet and Windy. With the morning back up the hills, tracks a little too soft, but heaps of fun. Spotted a few advisory notices suggesting track damage is caused by over use in the wet so just half a day spent there. Thinking we would just sack the day early and grab a scoop in a bar instead, the city was heaving with crazy costumes as the Rugby 7’s were in full swing. After a beer and a feed we decided we would ride again, an old rail road, the 22km Rimutaka Incline railway line made slightly famous by it’s long dark tunnels and rail disaster back in 1880 when strong winds blew the train off the tracks as it traversed a bridge over a deep gorge killing 3 children.

The tunnels were odd, one of them so long and curved that there was no light at the end of the tunnel and thus pitch black. Advice is for cyclist to walk, Yeah Right, for 600m? Get real! So in we rode, single file, nice and slow with the light fading with every extra metre until it was close to pitch black! The odd sound of someone’s bars scrapping the tunnel walls. Of course, I was lead scout, those behind could vaguely work out a silhouette of the one in front! Nice, but me, I didn’t have that! With no lights, all we could do was keeping going, really slowly, with elbows poking right out so they touched the wall before the bars caught. For some crazy moment, I thought I’d see if I could ride no handed with both arms out stretched ready to feel the walls. It worked for what may have been 4-5m before I chickened out thinking the floor may have a divot that would have me off. I went to grab my bars again and in the total darkness, I fell short and completely missed the bars altogether, instead, in slow motion, thumped onto the damp floor. Oh how we laughed, grown men in the dark tunnel, all twisted together in a heap.

Day 4. Journey home. On the ferry, off the ferry and a short detour from the port to spend 2 hours riding the tail end of the very Famous Queen Charlotte Track. It’s a 70+km track and we basically rode for 1 hour then turned around. One word, Glorious. I’ll say nothing about it now as I will return to complete the whole track.

Sweet Wheels and Roofracks!

(to be read with your best Kiwi accent, Aye Bro? Yeah, Nah!)

Those Thursday nights in Renders were a real taster and provided great training for what was to come. The Port hills tracks, night riding. Far out, Yes, Gnarly downhill tracks in the dark, initially on that vintage 2000 Marin MV with those Orange Manitou (not so) Shocks. Even I started to use phrases like “Jeeez  Bro, that was a sick decent” because at that time, I was of the mis-belief that ‘sick’ meant bad and risky. But really, I was on my limit with some of these Bro’s! Minimal shocks, rim brakes, clipped in, skinny 1.95 tyres, a helmet purchased in 2000 and looking like something that I’d found in the recycle bin. I was thinking I needed to change my kit Bro, I needed to get me some ‘Sweet Wheels’. One more tumble straight over the bars saw the end to my bargain basement helmet, it split open like the husk of a horse chestnut while I, on the other hand was completely unscathed, but it was a wake up call. It wasn’t until I got home and realised the helmet had split open by what seemed like an impact on a sharp pointed rock, right at the base of my skull leaving a perfect pyramid shaped impact indentation, Mmmmm could have been 20mm lower and I may not have got up unassisted. So, down to the hat shop I went and purchased a nice new Urge All Mountain bonnet to protect my noggin. I was keen on the Urge lids as they seemed to give better coverage around the base of the skull. Whilst hat shopping, I was surrounded by some ‘Sweet As Wheels’. 

The Marin Mount Vision XM range had been launched and the girl was looking ‘Tidy As Bro’! A dabble on the keyboard, a bit of internet bike porn and a store just 420 miles North agreed to spin me a ‘Hot As’ deal when I explained the price tag just has to start with a 1. A few days later a fresh cardboard box came knocking on the door. I wasn’t home at the time so she sat and waited in the sun patiently for me all day on the doorstep…………. ( I love NZ)

Well, like a small child locked in the lolly shop, I put her together and discovered I could cycle right around the house…. Inside….. Yep, through the lounge, out the door, up the hall, into the kitchen, back into the lounge, out the door, up the hall, into the kitchen, around the table, back into the lounge, around the sofa, out the door, up the hall, into the kitchen, back into the lounge…. Faster and faster and faster….until Oooohps, Mmmm, that hole in the jib (plasterboard), mmmm! Looks strangely similar to the type of mark that may be left by a brake lever should someone cycle around inside the home….. Arrh, Yeah, Nah, She’ll be Sweet Bro Aye?...... The beauties of living alone, in a rental property that bares all the scars of some recent, violent Earthquake activity. But really, I ask you, cycling around indoors at your age, tut! How foolish. Worked wonders for my bike skills though, if only I could have my primary school days back now, I’m sure I’d beat Tania Buckle in the sports day slow bicycle race now you know!

Saturday came, the weather was dry, I thumped up the Rapaki Track, right across the peaks and down into the beach resort at Sumner. 25ks done and my Sweet ride was ‘Sweet As’ Bro, Aye? Oooo to be on a 5” All Mountain, with real shocks, real working fully functioning shocks…. Sweeeeeeet!

Now! Sunday, the fortnightly CMBC ride. It was an out of town ride, some 50kms out of town. As usual, the club meets at wherever car park and sorts a spot of car pooling. I’m in with 2 chaps, the driver has a new car and has brought and fitted a gleaming new rack on the roof. Nice…. It’s a Thule, top class Aye Bro? So, triples up, we set off down the main highway…… Tap, tap, tap, click, click, click goes the roof! Driver stops to check his load…. “She’s Sweet Bro Aye?” (I should have checked too). Tap, tap, tap, click, click, click goes the roof. Mmmm! I’m sat in the back, in that akward position where you really want to question someone’s processes but you just don’t know them well enough and your worried that you may insult them. 

I know! I’m going to tell the driver the story of the fun my WBS pals just had on the M25 just 4 weeks ago…….. I didn’t get to the punch line before we had an identical experience! Yeah, really, She’s 2 days old with 25kms on the clock and I’m picking bits of her up off the road and trying to prevent her drowning in the stream. Longer story short….a few scars, but she’s sweet! I didn’t get to ride her that day, instead I limped home, bottom lip quivering, off to contact the Major and find out where I could get a new derailleur hanger from.